Sunday, 11 September 2011

Who Do You Think You Are?

And this evening it's not about the original BBC show where we glimpse into the ancestry of celebrities and well known personalities, tonight it's about being wronged. You see, someone I thought I knew well, albiet for a short period of time, once did me wrong and then exasperated the pain by doing something mean to me but unthinkable to my friends. As you know I hold my friends very dear so any wrong doing to them, I over react to. Emotions are my drama queen thing. As time wore on I remembered how truly valuable I am and my friends put the incident at the back of their minds for the time being. Eventually apologies were made to all parties and we all forgave gracefully.

"To Forgive is Divine...."

But tonight while I was having the time of my life this person poped back up and I happily believed we were friends and saw only the best in them. To my bewilderment they once again managed to make me feel a huge sense of inadequacy. And of course as I'm wont to do, I freaked out and became the emotional drama queen again. After steadying myself, right before they left they did it again. So my question is this, why do we find people in life who can make us feel so utterly unworthy. I say "we" because other people throughout history have dealt with this and expressed it through pieces of art, writing, song and drama therefore it must continue to this day. How have I managed to dis-empower myself this much? 

Then it struck me. What kind of a person would put on such a show of regret and remorse only to repeat the pattern?  If you can not learn from your mistakes how can you entitle yourself to spend time with people you have hurt before? And so I realised I was not the one who could never be somebody because they could never see my value and act accordingly, I was the one who could look from the outside in, in the future and never involve myself any further. Who is this individual to belittle me publicly? No one at all, any longer. 

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results"
Albert Einstein

Although they will never know it, any atonement they had before has disappeared tonight.

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